Separate Smarter: How to Deal With Ending an Intimate Relationship

Separation is the ending of an intimate partner relationship, including the end of a marriage or de facto relationship. It is often a difficult time; it can be stressful, and you may feel unsure about what to do next.

Separation can be a time of change and even growth, and it is important to remember that you are not alone. There are many resources available to help you through this time, so do not hesitate to seek out help if you need it.

It can be helpful to speak to a lawyer about your separation, as they can advise you about your legal rights and obligations. You may also want to consider attending counselling or therapy, which can help you deal with the emotional aspects of separation.

If you have separated recently, you and your former partner will need to make some immediate decisions about practical issues concerning your children and/or your assets like property and debts. Some of the things you might need to consider are:

  • Where your children live and who will take care of them
  • How you and your former partner will support yourselves and your children
  • What, how and when you will tell the children, other family members and friends
  • Who will pay outstanding bills or debts
  • Who will stay in the house
  • How will the rent or mortgage be paid
  • What will happen to any joint bank, building society or credit union accounts, and
  • What will happen to the house, car, furniture and other property

You may not be able to agree on all these things at the time of separation, but if it is safe to do so, it can greatly help you and your family if you try to reach a temporary agreement.

This can give you some stability and certainty while you work out how to make more long-term arrangements. You may be able to reach an agreement yourselves or with the help of a mediator.

If you have any questions about separation or would like to speak to one of our family lawyers, please contact us for a free consultation. We can help answer your questions and advise you about your legal rights and obligations.

You can also contact the Family Relationship Advice Line, a Family Relationship Centre, or other community-based services for help to reach an agreement. They offer a wide range of services such as counselling and family mediation and dispute resolution.

Family Relationship Advice Line

1800 050 321

www.familyrelationships.gov.au

You can separate smarter

Where it is safe to do so, you can take ownership of your dispute. Whether you agree, partially agree or don’t agree at all. You can mediate at any stage, as many times as you need. It is time we started thinking differently about family law disputes.

Most people don’t need to come to court to make arrangements for their children or divide property and finances after separation.

While you do need to apply to the Court for a Divorce order (to end your marriage), there is no need for parenting and/or financial arrangements to be decided by a court – unless it is not safe to make your own agreement, or after making a genuine attempt to resolve your dispute, you still cannot agree.

Going to court is expensive, time-consuming and stressful, and you may not get the result you want.

If you are thinking about separating or have already separated, we encourage you to speak to one of our family lawyers for a free consultation. We can help answer your questions and advise you about your legal rights and obligations. Contact us today.

When it is safe – there is a better way to separate.

Getting help to resolve your dispute

Court proceedings should be the last resort. The Court expects people to make genuine attempts to engage in dispute resolution to avoid the time, cost and stress associated with litigation.

Dispute resolution refers to a range of services designed to help you resolve disputes arising from separation or divorce and improve your relationship with the other party/s. There is an expectation that you will attempt to resolve your dispute by compromise, discussion and dispute resolution if it is safe to do so.

Some of the dispute resolution services available to you are:

Counselling – can help you and your former partner talk about how separation is affecting you and your children, and how to manage disagreements. Counselling services are provided by a range of organisations including Relationships Australia, Centacare and headspace.

Family Dispute Resolution (FDR) – is a process where an independent third person (the FDR practitioner) assists you and your former partner to reach an agreement about parenting arrangements for your children. The service is provided by accredited FDR practitioners across Australia. You can find a list of accredited practitioners on the Family Court website.

Mediation – is a process where an independent third person (the mediator) assists you and your former partner to reach an agreement about parenting arrangements and/or financial matters. The service is provided by accredited mediators across Australia. You can find a list of accredited mediators on the Family Court website.

Arbitration – is a process where an independent third person (the arbitrator) hears both sides of the dispute and makes a binding decision about the parenting arrangement and/or financial matter in dispute.” arbitration services are provided by family law Arbitrators who have been accredited by either the Institute of Arbitrators & Mediators or LEADR. You can find a list of accredited arbitrators on the Family Court website.

Collaborative law – is a process where you and your former partner each engage your own lawyer, who has been trained in the collaborative law process. The lawyers work together with you and your former partner to try and reach an agreement about parenting arrangements and/or financial matters.

Getting legal advice

It is a good idea to speak to a lawyer before making any decisions about separation or divorce, particularly if you have children or there are complex financial matters involved. A lawyer can give you information about your rights and obligations, help you understand how the law applies to your situation and advise you about what options are available to you.

Even if you do start court proceedings, in most cases, you must demonstrate that you have taken genuine steps to resolve the dispute.

For more information about options and assistance to resolve your dispute, see Get help – Dispute Resolution.

Looking after yourself

Separation is a big change. It can be a difficult time for you, your children, and your former partner. Looking after yourself and recognising when you might need a bit of extra help and support is important. If you are feeling stressed, see the brochure Separation and stress.

For more information about help and support, see Get help – Support services.

Family violence and your safety

The Court places children, litigants and their safety at the heart of the process. For some families, it may be unsafe to resolve their disputes without the help of the Court process and court orders. Remember, there are people who can help you.

If you are experiencing family and domestic violence you can get help and support. See Get help – Family violence or visit the Family Violence Law Help website, which provides information about domestic and family violence and the law in Australia.

If you believe that you or your children are in immediate danger, call the police on 000.

Family Violence Law Help

If you are in immediate danger call 000

No one enters into a relationship expecting it to end, but sometimes circumstances arise that make separation the best option. This article provides an overview of how to go about separating, including some of the options available for resolving disputes. It is important to remember that you do not have to proceed with court proceedings if you don’t want to, and there are many resources available to help you through this difficult time.

If you are considering separation, or have any questions about your rights and obligations, please get in touch with Melmark Law for a free consultation. We can provide you with information about how the law applies to your situation and advise you about the best course of action for you.

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